I feel dead inside.

Sometimes I wish I could see myself in this mans size. I made BBQ chicken dinner for my girlfriend a couple nights ago, and we're eating well, spectacularly in fact, because eariler that day, we made fluffly golden waffles for breakfast. It's amazing what I can be when my mother goes away.

I'm becoming bitter in Calgary. I am not enjoying life as much as I could and should. Someone once told someone who told me, Calgary is like cancer, it makes good people bad and bad people worse. I want to be a good person, I want to stay a good person. I want to appreciate every day I live, ever kiss I receive, every mouthful I eat and everything I see. I don't want it to all wash through me in my endless efforts to consume and rush and live and see everything around me.

I want to buy one cd or book a week and actually enjoy it for everything it holds. I am in a state of over consumption. It aches.