up and down and up again
Why is it that I can't outright do what I'm supposed to be doing? Why is it that I always need to find deviations; do the laundry, sweep the floor, [watch mtv] wander the halls and ride the elevators.
I bought posters today. Next month I start living like a student I swear. I would like to point out that I suck at technology and therefore podcasting will be put on hold until I figure out how to work some sort of recording technology.
I borrowed a bike this afternoon and rode up to campus and back. I am going to be one of those unfortunate kids who gets wiped out by a car door. Really now. I have a penchant for bikes without breaks. I still maintain that I'd make a good bike courier.
Back down to the laundry room.
[Slovo - Come Down]
questioning.
Tuesdays and Thursdays are hard, for similar but different reasons. I go to school for 12 hours on Tuesday, which is remarkably easy compared to 8 hours of work. I do have two 1.5 hour breaks in the later afternoon which makes things easier and I get a lot of homework done during that time. However, eating is difficult. Thursday I go to class from 10-4ish, which is much less time, but I have no more than 10 minutes between classes. Eating is virtually impossible. Also, on this day I need all of my books, lame.
It's all good though, cause it's beautiful here, and I am so happy in my new home. I can't believe how much I've changed since January. Remember when I used to cry over everything? Yesterday I had coffee with a stranger [who is no longer a stranger and I will promptly attempt to be her best friend because she is quite an amazing, talented and super awesome person.] and I wasn't even remotely nervous.
Which causes me to ask the question, what is it about being on anti-depressants that makes me such a functional human being? If I can be functional on drugs, wouldn't logic suggest that I have the ability to be functional off them?
Which leads to further points as to my happiness in a foreign city; was it simply my history that was making me sad? Have I really been able to leave the crazy mother, heartbreaking exgirlfriends and a childhood of abuse at school and move on, simply by moving across the country? Or does it have more to it?
I am going to attempt to join the knitting society this evening.
It's all good though, cause it's beautiful here, and I am so happy in my new home. I can't believe how much I've changed since January. Remember when I used to cry over everything? Yesterday I had coffee with a stranger [who is no longer a stranger and I will promptly attempt to be her best friend because she is quite an amazing, talented and super awesome person.] and I wasn't even remotely nervous.
Ba da dum dum dummmmmm.
Around five o'clock this morning I had one of those unfortunate moments where I sit up in bed, still kind of disoriented but nothing really matters because Oh shit I forgot something. Well, I forgot to make a citations page for my essay for English. This is a BIG DEAL because not only did I not make it, but I could not make it because even if I did I don't have any means by which to print. I resolved to haul my ass up to the school library before my first class today in order to write and print said citations page. I awoke at 7 in order to do this.
Oh man I am exhausted. I just got home from my screening of Citizen Kane. It was pretty good, but I was incredibly tired and wasn't enjoying it as much as I could have. I just made myself a cup of tea and I am going to curl up with my delicious novel and then sleep.
Tomorrow I have a lot of stuff to do. I also have a coffee date with a potential mentor which is incredibly important due to my complete lack of influence of any kind out here.
Also, Matt! Woo!
[Music: Final Fantasy - Fantasy{mariah carey cover}]
kar has turned into a reading robot.
"Indeed, it is curious how instinctively one protects the image of oneself from idolatry or any other handling that could make it ridiculous, or too unlike the original to be believed in any longer."
I like this line. It's from The Mark on the Wall by Virgina Woolf. It's not the first time I've read this story either. It seems all English classes are fond of it.
I'd like to think that I protect myself feircely, but I doubt I do, I probably rip myself open to show whomever is interested. Here I am, come pick me apart.
Also about reading. I don't think I've ever done so much, with such great diversity before. There is something about my return to school that spurred me into reading as a recreation once again. So on top of school reading I'm also reading novels for fun. [much to the detriment of my class reading of course.]
I've been reading the Believer Magazines like they are going out of style, I've also rediscovered Jeanette Winterson, last it was Written on the Body, the week before was The Passion. I've got a stack of novels beside my bed and even if I never get around to reading them, they at least make my room look homey and lived in.
And finally, I am making friends. I knew if I gave it time it would happen. I'm not sure how much I like them, but I enjoy the company of other people, so it's all good.
Halifax is foggy.
Tomorrow is going to be super productive day two. I might also buy a rug.
[Music: Mirah - Engine Heart - Holy Shazaam!]
"It is easy to see the traits of Ichabod Crane in the light of a church rummage sale. "
Apparently, going out and getting very incredibly uncomfortably drunk on a Friday night leads to waking up incredibly early on Saturday. I don't think the partying stopped around my place until 5ish this morning. Sheesh. As I said, I got drunk last night and had fun with people. I wish I didn't have to get drunk to have social fun.
Yesterday I took the bus to Lr. Sackville which is apparently a two hour bus ride out of Halifax. I was going for Frenchy's and some new clothes. I don't know that I got much that was worth the ride, but now I have a couple of black sweaters, so that's sweet. Wait, I did get some things that were Amazing finds. I got the MLA handbook for $.50 Which is a guide to writing university style papers/research papers/essays. My teacher said if I plan on becoming an English major it's an incredibly good idea to get this book. So Yay! I also got Raise High the Roof Beams. Finally I purchased an anthology of Charlotte Perkins Gilman's short stories. I quite adore C.P.G. which makes me heavily question my status as a feminist. I keep deluding myself, "I'm not a feminist" I say. That's probably a big lie right? Am I telling myself stories?
Which brings me to today. [We skipped a bit, but it was mostly boring anyway. Drinking, drunk kids with cameras, walking, harbor, cartwheels on the boardwalk, playground ship, Perks, leading everyone home.]So I wake I at 7:30 when my alarm goes off, it goes off because I set it. I set it because I wanted to get some decent stuff at the rummage sale at the church on the corner. It was madness. Brynn and I walked down to it, buy he was overwhelmed and headed home shortly after. I bought four white plates and three large glasses, some greeting cards and a printer. The printer was mostly a whim and I would have been better off buying a tv. It turns out my computer doesn't even have a port to hook a printer into. I say BAH. So anyway, while shopping at the rummage sale I noticed the nature of everyone there. Much like Ichabod. Yay, I have an essay idea now. Which means that I shall commence writing it and be done before brunch!
[Music: Wax Mannequin - Dust Boy Rides the Train]
I just had to blog this link.
"They're all different... snowflakes... think of that."
Whoever it is you fall in love with for the first time, not just love but be in love with, is the one who will always make you angry, the one you can't be
logical about. It may be that you are settled in another place, it may be that
you are happy, but the one who took your heart wields final power. -The Passion, Jeanette Winterson
I have been reading this book for about a week. This is my fourth attempt at completing it. At first, I didn't really get the point, it just seemed like a nice story. After the first part, The Emperor, you get the story of Villanelle who is magical and beautiful, and the words described to write her world are part of some of the most proficiently constructed sentences ever.
"They say that every snowflake is different. If that were true, how could the world go on? How could we ever get up off our knees? How could we ever recover from the wonder of it." "This living bridge is tempting to all and you may lose your soul or find it here.
And our own souls?
They are Siamese." "I used to think that darkness and death were probably the same. That death was the absence of light. That death was nothing more than the shadow-lands where people bought and sold and loved as usual but with less conviction...But darkness and death are not the same. The one is temporary, the other is not."
I could go on, but I'd rather be reading the book.
I am also momentarily obsessed with grammar and punctuation, and the usages of both these things. I am afraid to begin writing with the chance that my computer might have a melt down. I am reading a lot in the absence of any artistic outlet.
I really want to make a friend. Just one friend. That's all I need. I need to stop with obsession. I need to start being more proactive. I need to do my homework and read even more, but less of the fun stuff and more of the mandatory stuff.
I do not want to be a sociologist. It is 9:30PM on Sunday September 17th. I have my second ever sociology class tomorrow, maybe I will like it more after that.
I need to go grocery shopping, do laundry and maybe take a trip to lower Sackville to buy sweaters. Which means a bus adventure.
Wish me luck.
[Music: Memphis - Swallows & Amazons]
This is one quarter of pizza corner. Pizza corner is a notorious landmark here in Halifax. You can find directions to nearly any bar from pizza corner. I should explain. This stack of buildngs is on one corner, two other corners of this intersection also have pizza shops on them, and on the fourth corner is an ancient church where all the bar hoppers and squeegie kids camp out between bars at night. Stage Nine is above this pizza shop, you can see the patio. It's pretty sweet, but it's no Broken City.
This is my poster collage. Until I put this up my room was desperately displaying overt hospital vibes. It was so not cool. Now, it's shouting lesbian, but you know, like I really care what you think about that! Deal with it! Oh man. This is probably why I still have no friends.
This is the decent view of my bedroom during the day. It gets amazing sunlight. My bed is also oh so cozy, seriously. Bailey has found a nice new home to camp out in for the next few months, until I drag him across the country again.
A sunset from a different evening. The excellent thing about not having a harbour view is that a, I don't have to look at the Dark Side, which doesn't look so fabulous during the day, and b, I get the most fantastic sunset views.
This is the sunset from my incredibly dirty window.
My new plant in it's happy new home. This is the view from my desk. The reddish building in the middle of the photo is a hospital.
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i finally know what it means to be myself.
Tonight I fell in love with myself and my new city. I made my first bar friend, who is also my new Dal English ally. I listened to some amazing music in a fairly awesome bar a stones throw from my building. Booting it home at two thirty in the morning among people who are not friends, but not quite strangers and definitely are not scary. I want to cry I'm so happy because I got away and I found out what it means to be myself.
i am micromanaging my micromanagment.
I think I might be exhausted. I should take this opportunity to get some sleep as it seems to finally be quiet out in the halls. I'm not a fan of drunken bafoonery. Blah.
However, I'm meeting some interesting characters. Everyone seems pretty weird though. I feel very mature, very together, and older than everyone else. I am probably not actually older than anyone else. However, yeah. I'm too tired ot know what I'm trying to say.
I spent today unpacking and organizing and sort of decorating. I have run into the unfortunate issue of having way more wall space than anticipated, so I've not got enough posters.
Also. The food situation is satisfactory. So far I've watched three movies as a group, and three episodes of the L Word on my own.
Tomorrow includes a trip to find books of an academic nature, a trip to the grocery store, and a trip to find a comfortable pillow. Also, I might try to figure out how to get to the Indie movie Theatre and see Little Miss Sunshine again.
Being that I have a view, I'm going to take a photo out my window every single day until I move out. It should be interesting. Here's today's photo. This is what I see when I go to bed at night. Right above my head. I'll post other pictures later.
Love.
Music: Great Lake Swimmers - Various Stages
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