A spider has been sitting in my sink for a day now. By sitting I mean to say float by some magical strings that are holding it up two inches from the bottom of the sink. I am not frightfully scared of spiders anymore, it doesn't mean that I like them. It is terribly tempting to simply run the water and wash it down the drain, but I don't. Why? Because my brother talks to the spider.

And so I use the laundry room sink to brush my teeth.

The learning of French is failing miserably, I am laughing way to hard to try proper pronouciation. However, I've learned that I understand more words in general (not necessarily in a conversation) than I thought I did. The book that is suppose to guide me through the CD is terribly organized, and I gave up trying to understand about fifteen minutes ago.

I've been writing a whole whack of things to put on here, I know you don't believe me, but I have been. Just two nights ago a wrote a lovely piece about dreams and music and nanoseconds and falling in love. It was lovely I assure you. Alas, my internet is playing games with me, not unlike the games my cousins played with me that involve me, wrapped up in a sleeping bag plummeting down the stairs. Now my writing has been lost in cyberspace, or in the cyberspace garbage dump.

Last night I started at nine and stayed up until two cleaning my basement. I got new carpet in my bedroom which involved moving all of my possessions, plus all the camping gear and all the stuff mom had hidden under my bed, to the rest of the basement. I got the job of putting it all back, plus restoring the basement to a better condition than it was before the whole ordeal. The entire basement is clean, clear, and spotless.

I spent my day today cleaning the upstairs portion of our house (we live in a bungalow) and doing an enormous amount of laundry. My mother has been skimping on the housewifey duties due to the gigs and becoming a folkstar and all that. By Sunday night my house looked similar to those crack houses you see on the news. I went out and bought a pair of shorts because A. I didn't have any and B. I didn't have any other clean clothing to wear. In all fairness I could have done my own laundry in between having the flu and writing my exams.

Speaking of which, I'm now in grade 12. That feels really, really, weird. My overall average for grade 11 was 91%.

Oh in between being a housewife while my mother napped and sleeping myself I managed to read an entire book in one sitting without actually realizing it.

There is a dead mouse in the garage and I'm trying not to hate my mother, and I have to talk to my brother about "stuff" which I don't want to talk about, and the Liberals "won". At least it wasn't Harper.

I decided today, that if I were a rockstar I'd be the Foppy Rockstar.
The type that bounces around with no apparent sense of rythmn, style or respect for others personal space.
I would be the type that people worry about falling off the stage or crashing into the drum set.
I would bop up and down during long lead guitar solos. Rockstar bangs in my eyes, head down, hands slapping the sides of my legs, my feet randomly leaving and then reconnecting with the stage, possibly in sequence.

If singing were required I would hang off the microphone stand while simultaneously attempting to swallow the mic.

Floppy Rockstar is not to be confused with MoshPit Rockstar.

Floppy Rockstars of note include:

That guy from the Music,
Avril Lavigne,
Alanis Morisette,
Marilyn Manson,
Any one from any punk group.

Erik took a picture of me on the swings:

I ended the day with a swing in the playground with Brenna. Then there was the most magnificent thunderstorm and I adored it.

Today was one of the best days I've had in a while. I'm so happy. I feel redundant but I'm happy, and I had forgotten what it was like to actually smile, for real.

I'm done, except I have to go back twice more between now and the end of the month. I said goodbye to a few influential people. Was knocked off my guard by one former teacher, and regained my faith in her.

Today has been quite amazing.

So I have a question, that I really truly want someone to answer.

What did you do with all the ceramic Avon collectible that your grandmother has given you every year since birth?

I have a whole bunch of them. Some are in boxed because they are hideously frilly. Some are on top of my CD player, I also have this little display case with a bunch on/in it.

This is embarrassing. I am nearly to the point where these things do not go with anything, I really don't have any spectacular attachment to them, but I don't want to get rid of them either because I know one day someone's going to ask what I did with them.

Advice is appreciated.

I bought a new toothbrush today, it has little lime green rubber bristles.

... and contrary to whatever you may read from the previously stated; my teeth are clean, my lungs are full, I'm having a good hair day, and life is good.

I don't know what to say. I'm hoping that tomorrow I will still be happy and not bitter, or butter, depending on where my finger fall.

The sky feels as if it's falling and I'm loving it, but I also feel like chicken little and there are great big giant bits of sky falling on my head and I have to run around making sure that everyone is okay.

Also, I don't think I've really ever felt like a teenager, least of all now. It feels more like I'm heading off to university in some foreign country. They have a different currency and I'm so excited, but also I don't mind being everyone's chicken little and I don't want that to change.

Would you look at the metaphors?

You remember that wonderful Frankie Valley and the Four Seasons hit from Nineteen Sixty-Four?

Oh of course you don't. In order to remember that song you would have to be over forty, and even they you would only have been a small child when it was a hit.

Regardless, I remember it, from that brief time I was obsessed with angels, Robert Downey Jr. And yes, romantic comedy's. No seriously, I hated Robert Downey Jr. Or romantic comedy's. Actually the first time I saw Heart & Souls I protested. I watched it so many times in the following year.

Walk Like A Man. Theoretically I should have hated the song. Walk like a Man? I suppose that was back before I was like this.

I want to be happy, just because I hear a song that I used to love. I want to be back in that moment, loving it because someone thought it was cool, that I was cool. I want to sing along and play that awesome drum entrance in the air. I just want to be happy, not political, or grown-up, or anything else for anyone else.

...He said just
Walk like a man
Talk like a man
Walk like a man, my son
No woman's worth
Crawling on the earth
Just walk like a man my son...

I studied for six hours today. That was weird. I didn't even realize that I was sitting for that long.

My mother has gone on a intense cleaning rampage. She has moved all the furniture in nearly every room and dusted.

My brother is an ass.

I played cards with my father for a while this afternoon. It was fun. I've really been wanting to sit down with a group of people and play cards.

I'm still sick. It's looking like I won't be able to go to the solstice thing after all. Unless I'm miraculously cured when I wake up tomorrow. I'm praying.

For those of you who aren't housebound: the Solstice Beat is at Olympic Plaza today and tomorrow. There is a 24h Drumming circle which you can listen too or join in on. I guarantee you'll have more fun if you join. There is a whole mess of stuff written about it in this weeks FFWD.

I'm still sick. It's Saturday morning, I only have one more day and then I can say that I've been sick for a week. I don't want to have to say that. The internet ceases to entertain me. I kept having to remind myself that yesterday was Friday.

Needless to say I'm quite worried about how I did on my exam yesterday. But I thought it was really easy. Now is my favorite part, throwing out all my old science work.

The Talkie Walkie CD by Air is AMAZING. I think i'm going to buy it the instant that I see it avaliable.

Today will be spent watching cheesy Mandy Moore movies and studying math. Eugh.

I spent my afternoon in the Laundromat. I adore the smell of clean laundry. I studied while my sleeping bags were washed and dried. I think I'm okay. I just have a few more things I need to go over and then I should be fine with everything.

Math however is another issue entirely.

I went to work this afternoon simply because I hate spending all my time in the basement. I felt so sickly because I was snorting and snuffing and sneezing and everyone else was so healthy.

This kid in my brothers class got arrested today for shoplifting. My brother has come home with tales of thievery for months now, he's so happy this kid has finally been caught. The hilarious thing is that A) He tried to run from the cops, B) He gave them a fake name, AFTER giving his real name C) He gave them the wrong phone number, repetitively.

I laugh at the stupidity.

So I was sitting in front of the television, watching MMMBio, as you know I tend to do when I'm sick. Suddenly I remembered my tenth grade band. We were comprised of five members, Anthony, Emily, Elissa, Brenna and I. However there may have been more or less at any given time. Anthony played... I don't remember he may have been vocals, god help us, Emily played tambourine, Elissa the guitar, I played the drums and I believe Brenna played the guitar as well.

However, facts are sketchy at best, being that we never were actually in the same room together, I doubt we have been since. It was going around for a while that like the White Stripes we were to have a defining outfit. The Toga.

I can't quite imagine what a disaster it would have been had we actually practices and then achieved our goal.

Now that I'm remembering again, I'm remembering a whole bunch of things.

We were called Box'O'Talkies. Emily and Anthony, back in the "fundays" used Emily's cig boxes as walkie talkies and they would sit in their separate classes and talk into the boxes.

Man. I miss the fun days.

Back when I was usually sick more than I was healthy I used to write so much crap on my old blog. I haven't done anything like that in a while. I also haven't been sick in a while. I'd forgotten about my mothers quirky way of treating each symptom with a whole bunch of bad tasting herbs. Yesterday she gave me oregano extract (bassically the essential oil form of oregano) and nearly burnt off my toung.

Yesterday was a good day. I didn't go to work which would have probably been a good thing to do. I was going to get the girl I work with who is extremely smart to tell me about chemistry. However I managed to figure out how to calculate molar concetration.

Today's puzzle is Redox and centripital force. Today will be fun. I'm off to play eeny meeny miny moe to choose today's movie.

Cheerio (don't I sound happy even though I'm sick? That's cause I am happy! Whhhheeee!)

Uugh. So sick. So unbelievably sick.

Ohh! Their playing Leslie Feist on CKUA!

But uhh right, I missed science today and have been forbidden from going to work.

I would just like to say that my life is wonderful right now, and I'd like to thank all the people who helped get me here.

You know who you are. I love you all.

In an act of procrastination I shall re-cap my weekend.

Friday, awesome. So much fun. Made me really excited about Alternative. etc.etc.etc.

Saturday.
I was woken up at 5:25 to load the car and drive to Trea's. We arrived at trea's by seven, got all packed up, stood around with Leslie and Bronwyn while we waited for the adults to finish in getting their coffee all gathered up. Then we got in the car and drove north. We drove about five hours before we stopped for lunch. Mom and I had packed lunch but it was in the other car and we had no idea where they were.

We got back into the car and finished the drive. Notable point of the drive was the 36 minutes we spent in the van on the wrong road. That was fun.

We arrived at the camp ground which was amazing. It was in a valley with a huge stage and a covered dance floor and there were tents eveywhere. We had a special performers area for camping in and we set up the tents. Having never slept in a tent the setting up part was rather difficult.

At that point the Djembabes (my mothers band) had an hour until they had to be on the stage so they got sufficiently drunk and put on their costumes. Bronwyn and I "mucked around."

Then being the official roadies we loaded all of the drums (15 drums) into one of the vans moved the van over to the stage and then proceeded to unload the van and stand around until the Djembabes were to take the stage. There was a smallish man who was at 4 in the afternoon very very drunk. We all thought that he should act out a Shakespearian play. That however was a no go. He was wearing an 80's rock revival outfit. I wish I had a picture.

When it was time for them to get on we all carried drums around and lugged lawnchairs and had a jolly old time. The MC who was the smallish drunk 80's man kept saying things like "holy shit, it's like the clowns in the circus cars, they just keep coming and coming and coming." and "Oh look I'm on camera!!!" I was at that point seated nicely in the audience and filming everything that happened.

The Djembabes were awesome, they rocked everyone out of their campers and it was a blast. I was the only one screaming, so at least I can say I was screaming the loudest.

After the performance Bronywn and I cleared the stage and packed everything back up and then went off to Muck around. There were a ton of kids there, all of whom seemed under 8 and all of who appeared to have no parents. We played with a bunch of them for awhile and that was fun. Most of the other bands were terrible. Some of them were excellent. The ones who played covers were generally the best.

We hung out in the audience for a while and danced with all the Djembabes and laughed and had a really wonderful time. I was so happy. I love being happy.

I got a sex talk. Tee hee. I very calmly explained everything that the woman giving the sex talk had said that was entirely wrong and then comforted her by telling her I had to go take the pill. Needless to say, she was drunk. I think I may have shocked some of the other Djembabes with my knowledge of both male and female condoms... Again I say teehee.

The mainstage, which had very loud speakers went on to play till about 4 in the morning. They played songs like White Wedding, Day Tripper, and various other rock song. I didn't sleep at all, because after that, everyone moved under the covered dance floor and played their instruments acoustically. I at that point gave up entirely on sleep and went and joined them. They were of course all drunk but I figured, I had better depth perception and faster reflexes so nothing much could happen to me.

I returned to the tent when they took everything back to their campers and I went to sleep for about an hour. When I got up Trea and my mother were standing outside talking and it was about 8 in the morning. Everyone else in the entire campground was asleep. We went for a walk and then woke everyone up. We all left shortly after that because we were all really tired and wet because I had been raining all night.

We drove home, we took the long way, which involved seven hours and five different highways. A rock hit the winsheild wiper and it bent one of the wires and it etched an arc in the windshield. We beat the tornado by about 2 hours.

I showered immediately after returning home. Then went to bed and slept for 13.5 hours. I'm really happy I went and I kind of want to go next year, except everything will be different.

For one, I won't be in a tent.

There will be pictures to follow I'm sure at some point. But for now, it's calculating molar mass for me.

Tonight I had more fun than I've had in a very very long time. The best part, was that nothing about tonight was particularly exceptional. The Prance was a success, there were maybe thirty people there.

I knew half the crowd, either directly or indirectly. I saw Taryn and her possibly girlfriend, they are so cute! It was nice to see Taryn again.

Shannon and I hung out with this guy who goes to Alternative (many of the kids there do apparently.) One of Shannon's friend who I hope to be my friend next year told us that he (the other guy) was only there to pick up girls. He was flirting shamelessly with Shannon.

We devised a plan, which I mostly went along with for entertainment sake. It involved me and Shannon pretending to be dating. It was fun. At the very end before we were leaving he came up to me and gave me a flower and said "I'm sorry I didn't know." and now I feel a little bad, however that's okay. I asked him what he thought of Alternative and he said "It kicks ass." You don't hear that about high schools very often. It just wiped out any trace of a doubt I ever had. I'm in.

I ended up spending a lot of time dancing with a girl from work. I was really surprised to see her there, alone. Though the alone didn't surprise me. She is cool times a million, and neither of us could really dance so it was fun and the rap was horrid and the techno was fantastic. Plus it doesn't hurt that I've had a minor scale crush on her forever.

ALSO, I saw "the hot girl" the one from January. I'm not sure if anyone other than my mother and possibly Anthony knows who/what I'm talking about but, that's okay.

Parkers Lime was terrible.

I like hanging out with people my own age...

I say as I pack for a weekend camping trip with my mothers friends. It should prove interesting and I can feel the excitement ballooning. Things are getting big and serious and:

I am Happy. Nearly euphoric.

All day I've been extremely hyper and happy and today was the last official day of school and only one person nearly cried due to my leaving, and I got people to sign my fake autographs sheet. It was fun and oh man, I have a rocket ship t-shirt now.

Life is far too exciting to care about dancing bad or talking to ex-girlfriends in weird standoff-ish manners and folding raincoats.

You might not hear much from me in the next few days, as I will be in the woods, in a tend, surrounded by music.

Guess who's going camping with her mother and several other middle aged white women who play African instruments while wearing Thai Fisherman pants. Yup Me! Happy, Happy, Happy! I am going so that Brownwyn can go so that we can hang out together! Yay!

However, this has thrown me into a fit of "OH MY GOD I'M SO BUSY" My next few days consist of, packing, working 6 hours attending school, making rocket t-shirts for three people, the prance (yay! I'm so excited!!!!!) and then waking up very very early Saturday morning and driving north for five hours and then running around like a wild child for the rest of the weekend.

I also somehow have to fit in studying, and studying and studying.

My mom bought TWO Djembe's this afternoon and I LOVE them. They are from Bali and they are gorgeous. They sound absolutely fabulous too. Now our drum collection is at a grand total of 4 Djembes and one Irish drum. Sweet. Dude. We're rockin' now.

I'm really happy right now because the key to my happiness is frantic busy-ness. I love being so busy (for short period of time) so that I don't have the time or energy to devote to moping and feeling sorry for myself. Hurrah!

My parent's have managed to instill in my a vestid interest in comedy, which is to say, I am a comic fanatic. I've been watching "Last Comic Standing" which in theory is a great idea, but really, I hate that these funny, talented and talented and smart comedians feel they have to "win" in order to be funny.

My father promised that when I turn 18 he'll take me to the local comedy shows, cause we seem to finally have something in common.


Post Script: YAY! I get to go to the Prance!!!! AND I'm going to know a few people there! Yay!

1. June seems to be the designated "busy season" sheesh.

2. Shopping with my mother is tedious.

3. I want to make a whole bunch more shirts. I only have three days...

4. Yesterday I walked into math (late of course) and found on my desk an invitation to an awards assembly. I seem to have been awarded a "services" award. I couldn't quite figure out why. Turns out it's for Drama. Yay! I'm not a big fan of assembly's, especially this one, they spent 10 minutes on the academics and then an hour and counting on the sports awards. Again, I say sheesh.

5. I bought pretty grey argyle socks at the mall this morning. I am turning into an old lady. I want to buy the latest Spin(I believe) because of a Macaulay Culkin interview in which he states "I'm such an old man." What a lovely boy.

6. I'm making list like mad lately.

7. I've decided instead of bombarding people with my silly digital camera until the end of the year, I'm going to go buy some Polaroid film (there's a big sale at London Drugs) and bombard people with my Polaroid camera.

8. I have a big cookie craving going on right now.

9. Prance may, or may not happen for me.

10. I haven't written anything of great length or great quality recently, at all, since about January.

10.1 I wish I were writing an English exam because I am absolutely mad.

11. Thanks to D. Eggers I now have a very vivid but severely mis-led idea of what stomach cancer, or any cancer for that matter looks like. I am rereading AHWOSG, again.

12. I love June. I adore June. June is the beginning of my feet hardening and my grass stains on bare knees and running through the sprinklers on the football field.

13. I can barely wait for it all to get started, and I have such big plans, and I hope everything goes off smoothly and that Watervalley is just as marvelous as last year, and my plane rides are less eventful than last years, and that everyone is happy.

14. I want to go camping. At the very least, I'm going to sleep in my backyard.

15. I'm done now.

This morning while waiting for my mothers man servants to arrive and remove all the gas from the left over pipes, my mother put two and two (obsessive desire to sleep & desperate need to rehydrate all the time) and now she has decided that I have diabetes. Well that's just great. I'm going to completely ignore this, as is common with me and the world around me, and pretend that I'm COMPLETELY HEALTHY, like I was about 6 hours ago.

My mother is cleaning in anger. We lost the game, but now we have two clean bathrooms and almost every clutter free surface has been vacuumed. I'm not complaining but I might have to get up early to make pancakes to keep her from pulling ever last eyelash out of her head.

A jet flew over my house this morning. It was probably for the D-Day memorial. That thought didn't occur to me in my sleepy stupor early this morning. I sat bolt upright in bed waiting for it to crash into my house. I've become increasingly paranoid of planes crashing, especially into buildings.

I wonder where that came from?

I fell back to sleep and was awoken a few hours later to the sound of thunder. The day started crappy and just progressed into hell. I nearly walked out on the lanterns this afternoon. I'm pissed and I doubt I'll work on mine for a while. Nothing seems to be getting done, it's all a big mess. I have to take half of mine apart and then somehow make it more bright.

Arg.

A jet flew over my house this morning. It was probably for the D-Day memorial. That thought didn't occur to me in my sleepy stupor early this morning. I sat bolt upright in bed waiting for it to crash into my house. I've become increasingly paranoid of planes crashing, especially into buildings.

I wonder where that came from?

I fell back to sleep and was awoken a few hours later to the sound of thunder. The day started crappy and just progressed into hell. I nearly walked out on the lanterns this afternoon. I'm pissed and I doubt I'll work on mine for a while. Nothing seems to be getting done, it's all a big mess. I have to take half of mine apart and then somehow make it more bright.

Arg.

A jet flew over my house this morning. It was probably for the D-Day memorial. That thought didn't occur to me in my sleepy stupor early this morning. I sat bolt upright in bed waiting for it to crash into my house. I've become increasingly paranoid of planes crashing, especially into buildings.

I wonder where that came from?

I fell back to sleep and was awoken a few hours later to the sound of thunder. The day started crappy and just progressed into hell. I nearly walked out on the lanterns this afternoon. I'm pissed and I doubt I'll work on mine for a while. Nothing seems to be getting done, it's all a big mess. I have to take half of mine apart and then somehow make it more bright.

Arg.

The hockey game was deflating. 'We' lost, 2/3 in overtime. Not that you didn't know that already.

It's funny how I cling so tightly to anything that my mother loves, trying to keep her happy for just a few more hours. The past few days have been easy, and she has been cheerful.

I made a zine tonight. The zine that I said would probably not get done. I made it during the game. It has the coolest picture of my brother in it.

This morning I attended several garage sales. I bought an old lady sweater. I'll see if you notice when I wear it. It still smells like old lady. I've been wearing it all day, and shouldn't have been. Tomorrow I'm going to wash it.

The end.

...oh, and uhhh, the entire contents of the laundry room, save for the fridge, and both the laundry machines, is stuffed in the workroom, piled high enough to create a little path for me to crawl through when leaving my room.

As we speak there are three, maybe more, large men hacking a hole in the wall of the foundation of the house.

I woke up, got out of bed and opened my door to find one of the large men thudding down the stairs. Gee...

Anyway, we are having out gas line replaced/moved. Currently it's run under our sun room (which is somehow against the law), under our garage (which is also against the law, but not our fault)and out into the alley.

Mom and I are yelling across the kitchen to each other about my breakfast and our lack of hot water. I guess I won't be having a shower today.

Pride

So Pride Week is quickly approaching, and sort of started tonight with the Fairy Tales Film Festival. I'm attempting to formulate a plan, I want to go to one of the showings on Saturday, except I won't be allowed to if my mother actually knows about it. I'm sure mom would be fine with it if I were going with someone, or with her, but I don't want to go with her for extremely logical reasons, and all of my queer friends are suddenly straight.

(!!! My family just started shrieking from the basement, and everyone outside is honking, I take that to mean the Flames just won!!!)


I also want to go to the Prance(pride dance) for youth. I need to get out of the house, and if Mom is out of town on that weekend than I should be able to work it out somehow.

Anyway, I'm feeling extremely secluded lately, which is bothering me.
Plus I've been sleeping more than I've been awake these days. I feel like I'm narcoleptic or something. I swear I could have just sat down in the middle of the floor in the library and just dropped off to sleep.

As a token of how much she loves me my mother took some time off from watching the game (a giant sacrifice for her) and made me a sandwich, just to make sure I have enough protein. I don't really feel any better. I was going to call into work pleading sunstroke but I didn't and I suppose it was a good thing too.

Off to bed now.

I went looking for the moon.

On the way home today I saw an elderly lady on the bus playing with a GameBoy. I loved that.

When I arrived home I found that all 13 blankets(a sleeping bag, a puff, two quilts, one big fuzzy blanket, two afghans, one mesh blanket, two wool blankets, two baby blankets, and the one that covers the mattress.)strewn around the yard. The clothes line was covered, two where hanging in the apple tree, the sleeping bag was over the saw horses, the puff was over the hockey net. I wish I had a picture of it.

I also bought this Lost In Translation poster on my way home. I love it. I have to rearrange all my posters now so that they all fit. I also managed to find a Girl With a Pearl Earring and In America posters in Fernie for free. I'm not sure what I'm going to do with all of them. Maybe decorate the work room.

I finished Thumbsucker, and oh, look at this!

So anyway, that's been the recent insanity. I'm way behind on e-mail and I'm scared that I'm losing touch with all the people I'm not talking to on MSN anymore.

Oh, Jessica's (Liplock) home and I'm so happy. Unbelievably happy. I missed that girl.