salt.

Sometimes, I think of the correlation between the salt content of the ocean and that of the amniotic fluid in which I was formed. It comforts me to think about having ocean in my blood. It makes being far away from it sometimes easier.

dreaming.

What would make me happy?

A house in the woods, with all of my friends. No internet. Tall trees for climbing. Clover grass for dancing on barefoot. Shannon. Endless music stream. My whole family at the end of the street. A library, art supplies, good food.

I think for now, my eternal happiness rests in my avoidance of myspace and other online networking resources. They are crap. I however, love MSN and my cousins.

can i live up to it?

I miss summer.

I have not been blogging lately as I am feeling wholly unsatisfied in almost all endeavors I undertake. School is a failure, at least, it's failing in giving me any viable skills. My living situation leaves extreme amounts to be desired.

I rearranged my furniture the other day. That was a bit of a traumatic event. There was much grunting, sweating and dust. I was nervous about the results, but I believe that it may be for the better.

I went swimming the other day. It was delightful.

Now, on to the business of things. It seems I need to pull up my socks.
I need to stop the emotionally self destructive behavior (this involves avoiding myspace almost entirely.)

I need to forget about my past. (This one is only important if I actually desensitize myself from those people I knew.)

I need to write more, for fun. Not really for my blog or for school or for the newspaper. Though I need to do all of those things too. But I need to start writing for me, about things other than my life.

I need to put more effort into school. Paying $600+ per class is only justifiable if I am actually going to attend and participate in these classes.

I need to read more fiction.

I need to do my French homework.

I need to draw way more. I have to finish one sketch book before I purchase another. I should finish all books before I buy new ones.

I need to talk to my real friends more. I need to make more friends even if they aren't the type to have exitensial crisis with me. I need to forget about the friends who don't think about me anymore.

I need to devlope a professional put together image, which involves keeping all committments, being punctual and carrying either a pen or a lighter at all times. (I don't know about that last bit.)

I need to tell people I love them more.

I need to call my family.

Stop watching tv, the kind with commercials.

Regular food, fresh air and exercise. I need to get out of bed even if I don't have to go to school.

Let's see how good I can be.

What is life?

Koyaanisqatsi

I am obsessed with this movie, Koyaanisqatsi. You can find clips from it, here, here, and there are others if you search on Youtube.

human?

I remember when clothing used to be a personal expression of personality. I don't think I subscribe to that kind of fashion statement any longer. It's kind of sad. I've fallen for comercializim and modern fashion norms. This is simply a part of growing up, but on days that I only wear pjamas I feel much more human.

Silence of the Lesbians.

I don't even know what to say. I think I just had the best weekend of my life. I have never drank with such abandon, laughed an unstoppable amount and got millions of hugs. All of this happened with Shannon at my side. She is fabulous and I am the luckiest girl alive to have such an amazing girlfriend and the best family in the universe.

I am a lucky lucky girl. I needed this weekend to pull me out of the downward spiral I was in. I finally feel like life is okay, I will be healthy, I do not sleep too much for me. I need to do things, like homework and cleaning and exercising. And other things like writing, taking photos and reading. I will start doing these things because I am not dead yet, and I don't know why I'd want to be, and this is the time to make the most of every breath I take.

Here's to 2007. Best year of them all?

sleep.

After waking up at two in the afternoon the past two days, being up at 7:30 seems like being in a parllel universe. Is it wrong that all I can think about is crawling back into bed, now would be idea, but as soon as I get home tonight?

resolute.

confederation Park, December 2006

This semester is off to a terrific start. I miss all of my first classes, attend the second and third classes, but I miss my third film class because I am a spaz. Miss my second soci class. Now, tomorrow I have a full day of classes, 10-9, with about an hour break in combined non-class time. I e-mailed my french prof to tell him that I wouldn't be attending his class, and that I'd be missing the quiz he was giving tomorrow. He immediately e-mailed me back and said that everything was okay, and that I should stay home and rest. He is a nice man. I even get to do a make-up test!

Also, he said that I got 85% in the last semester, which is terrifically exciting. I reached my goal!

It is times like these that I wish I had 100% energy all the time so that I could put more effort into things. Imagine the superhero I could be?

Christmas Holiday Recap.

This is Brandy, she is adorable, and crazy, and absolutely fabulous.



This was taken in the park the day before I got sick for the second time.

So basically, sick, sick and more sick. I went to a clinic today and came home crying on the bus. The doctor was an asshole. Never go see Dr. Campbell at the Family First Clinic. Basically, I need to wait to get better, but I am beyond frustrated with being sick. I have been sick since the 28th of December. I don't know what to do at this point, but I bought multivitamins and ginger and a tea strainer and I studied for french and I am wishing and hoping that school will be cancelled tomorrow. But it's looking unlikley.

Note to self: Grating Ginger + rubbing eyes = searing pain.

Notes pt. 2

I've had the Winnie the Pooh theme song stuck in my head since my english class. It seems this semester my english prof has decided to go completely over the top, and instead of doing something sensible, like teach, he has decided to get us to sing and talk about Star Trek Voyager. Oh dear. Class is starting.

Notes.

I am sitting in the Coburg Coffee house and I am blogging because I have been instructed too. I have fifteen minutes until I should be in my Comp Tutorial. I have been meaning to post a retraction of my entire top ten music list. I have since, having relistened to a lot of things, realized how foolish my choices were. I don't really even listen to many of those CDs anymore.

Anyway, I would come up with a new list, but honestly it was just an HTML practice, and regardless, it's a good list of good cds, but they aren't the best of anything.

Other news is that, life is suddenly, in the last couple of hours, is extremely busy. School has jump started and suddenly I have a pile of stuff to have done by thursday, two tests and sheesh, I need to get ahead again.

Tomorrow should be restful I hope.

It took me an hour to crawl out of bed today. It was miserable and ridiculous and I hope that this pain and lack of desire to do things comes to an end soon.

My new computer science teacher is an albino.

Photos to come soon I hope.

Top 10 CDs of 2006

Begin To Hope – Regina Spektor

This CD I listened to when I was working through the summer. It started off
with my obsession with Samson.

Though I am much fonder of the original recording on Song. However this CD won
me over with the songs Better, Fidelity and Hotel Song. This CD was in heavy
rotation while I was preparing for school, working half-heartedly and getting
over heartbreak.



Ballad of the Broken Seas - Isobel Campbell

Ballad of the Broken Seas came to me though CKUA, like most other things. I
was heartbroken to hear of Isobel Campbells departure from Belle & Sebastian,
but I was comforted greatly by this release. It is one of those CDs that is
like listening to a story book. The song The Circus Is Leaving Town is my favorite,
but I tend to listen to the whole CD when I listen to it.



The Greatest – Cat Power

This CD was anticipated greatly by me. My first introduction to it was a sample 7" from Megatunes. On the one side it had The Greatest and on the other
side was Hate. I would put it on my record player and lay on the floor of the
living room and listen to one side, flip, listen to the other, flip... I'd do
this for a good hour before I was pestered to give it up. When the CD finally
came out I listened to it rather obsessively. I adore the song The Moon, it
randomly gets stuck in my head all the time. All in all, Living Proof ended
up on repeat numerous times.



Knives Don't Have Your Back – Emily Haines

I said that my only fall CD purchase would be Knives. I thought for sure that
there would be no notable music coming to my ears in Halifax. However, as we
shall see later on was not the case. Moving on. I purchased Knives quite eagerlyl
from Sam the Record Man, an exciting event in itself. Upon listening to it I
was quite excited about the songs Doctor Blind, Our Hell and Lottery. I really
enjoyed the solo Emily vocals, it took me back to the original Metric recordings. It was incredibly comforting to me to be assured that while Metric has gone
to shit with recent recordings, Emily still has that illustrious charm.



Jill Barber – For All Time

I first heard Jill Barber in St. Matthews Church in Halifax. I was told by
a dear girl in my life that I should go to the CD release party, and in the
hopes of seeing her again I dragged my roommate out on a friday night. I must
say, I knew nothing of the brilliance of Ms. Barber at the time, but by the
end of the evening I had been completely won over. I quickly ran out to purchase
the CD. It however did not have the same charm as the live show did and it sat
on my shelf for a couple of weeks until I started spending more time with said
special girl and the CD once again found itself in heavy rotation. I am continually
surprised by the sadness in the songs, and how they still make me feel hopeful
and happy. My favorites are Hardline and Legacy.



War Brides – Amelia Curran

Oh, Amelia. What can I say about Amelia? I first heard Amelia in Refelections
Caberet on FemFest night. The show as a whole was a bit of a bust, but Amelia
was spotted from across the room and I thought, "That girl, she's interesting." She got up on stage and commanded the attention of the flighty room of females. I since listened to her Myspace over and over. I'd play the CD when ever I was at Shannon's. It's brilliant. She is a fabulous musician and songwriter. In anycase, this is one of those CDs that I so good, I can't really do it justice.



Honey From the Tombs – Amy Millan

Amy Millan impressed me. I heard a sample while listening to CKUA one late
spring evening. I immediately could not believe how amazing it sounded. This
CD is a perfect mix of music and vocals. The songs are so incredibly sad and
perfect for a raining melancholy day. I find myself listening to this a lot
with a cup of tea, blankets and books. I don't have a favorite song. I do however
quite like Wayward and Parliament, Skinny Boy, and Baby I. This is a good CD
for secretly singing along too.



Rabbit Fur Coat – Jenny Lewis

My father loves this CD. Or I thought he would. On a long four hour drive to Fernie in the summer, me behind the wheel and him in the passenger seat we listened to it several times before he realized that we had listened to it more from once. This CD is lovely. This seems to be the year of branching out to more soulful, less pop music. Jenny Lewis is probably way too country for my usual tastes, but that didn't keep me from adoring this CD. The Watson Twins doing backup are a perfect compliment to Jenny's vocals. Run Devil Run is fabulous, as is Happy and Melt Your Heart. The icing on this CD is however the track Handle With Care which was originally placed on a mix tape for my valentines day. I immediately fell in love with this song.



Fox Confessor Brings the Flood – Neko Case

Neko Case was supposed to play the Calgary Folk Fest this year.
Alas she was unable to attend and while there was already far too much music
to take in, I would have gratefull sat down and shut up to be mesmerized by
the vocal awe that is Neko Case's vocals. What gets me about this CD is the
story. There isn't as far as I've noticed a overriding story, however, the stories
that are told by each song are beyond amazing. My favorite songs are, Margaret
vs. Pauline, Star Wittness and A Widow's Toast. Oh man, if you have not listened
to this CD, go find it, listen to it, listen to it more than once. Enjoy.



The Crane Wife - The Decemberists

Okay, so, this is the top cd on every list of 2006. I swear, I'm not just following
the trend. I am an English student, it is a CD based on an Japanese Folktale,
what part of that am I not supposed to love. Not only is the over riding story
amazing, but also the epic musical score that accompanies the story. Twelve
minute songs, that is amazing. I expect everything to be copied by many a band
in the future, but the Decemberist are the creators of such musical fantasies.