Tangible World.

TAURUS

April 20-May 20

Knowing when to indulge and when to kick your temptation-resistance into high gear is the key to creating a whole new stage of life for yourself, is it not? Taurus, it's all about balancing your participation in this imperfect experience we call life. Meld your intuitive powers with your connection to the tangible world.


Geez, I wish, that this had no bearing in the real world in which I live, I wish I could just blow this off, but oh boy,it has merit.

In other very exciting news, I have my computer back!

In other, also remotely interesting news, today my boss told me to just chill out and stop with the organizing for a while, and my boss's boss told me to get off my ass and organize something. Now, what a dilemma.

What is wrong with controlled, self contained dancing? Really? Is it that bad? I am one of those head bopping shoulder nudging, foot shuffling dancers, [unless it's techno or super dancy etc.] and it seems to be an issue for those around me, so, how do I let loose and be co-ordinated at the same time?

Unconvetional Song Number One.

It's too late to leave you
you know that I will never leave you
It's too late to know you
you don't like to be known
You would never hold me
I don't like to be held
I will always love you
in spite of myself.

:: IT'S TOO LATE :: Nanci Griffith

I can listen to this song over, and over and over. It's just this song though, there isn't anything special about the rest of the CD.

This is, this is the time of my life.

Being that, the last actual vegitible that I remember eating was an asparagus on thursday night, I feel malnurished. I am devising a Dave Eggersesque menu which involves all four (there's only four right?) food groups for each meal, and it's okay for potatoes to be of the french varieity, or the hashed type. So that I have atleast four+ viable food options for each meal. Sound like a plan? I hope so.

Today is the first day since Wednesday that I have spent more than half an hour at home. Thursday I worked, then went to Jess's grandmother's for dinner.

ohohoh! I have the GREATEST story for you.

So thursday night I go to jess's grandmothersfor dinner, and then we go hang out at her house, and then we decide that since I don't have to work, and she doesn't have school onf riday that I'll just stay there because we are both exhausted, and so this is about 11:30, so we call my mother to let her know that it's okay that I am not in my bed in the morning, but Jess's mother is asleep.

So we just figure that it'sprobably not fine with her, but she probably won't be too upset with it, and we go to bed.

Seven the next morning her mom comes flying in to wake Jess up for school, cause she didn't know about the PD day.
and jess is all "Mom I don't have school go away" and so she just closes the door and leaves for work. Then we get up at noon and she's not home, and then we leave and go to my house, and then that night we're back at Jess's and her mom is all "I didn't know you didn't have school today" and then looks at me and says "I woke Jessie up at seven this morning!" and aparently she had no idea that I was there at all.

Basically that was our get out of jail free card.

This does not merit your opinion on pre marital sex, because frankly, if that bothers you, the fact that I am with a girl pretty much negates your argument.

So anyway, I had a fabulous day off, did errands, hung out with Jess, went to see V for Vendetta, which I would reccomend, but it's probably one of those ones you could wait and see at home.

Saturday, yesterday I worked at ML, which was fantastic, Evelyn looked at me and said "How would you like to just chill out today?" So I read AHWOSG all day. It was fabulous. I had Chicken on the Way for dinner. I'm pretty much always craving it, until I'm eating it and then I regret everything.

Lastnight was Sam and Robbie's show at the Distillery. It was awesome. Everyone, me included, is pretty much in love with Samantha. If you would like to hear her, here. Azeda Booth also played, he's incredibly awesome, but beware of the overwelming need to kill yourself when he's playing.

Also, i will drive miles, or bus for miles, to see this movie, WHERE IS IT?

Music: Tegan & Sara - All You Got

See the thing is, I want so much more than I can actually have, and I don't want to admit wanting any of it. I just don't want to have desires, because I don't want to lose them, I don't want to be broken. I don't want to be open to attack. I just want so much that I was taught early on that I will never ever recieve. I am trying to figure out how to grab things and hold on and really truly want and have and experience, and love and give and share and open up and be okay with being emotional and not a rock. I don't want to be a rock anymore.

So I am listening to sad Jenny Lewis songs, and trying to remember a time in my life where I was openly needy, openly vocal, okay with being whatever I needed to be. What fucked up thing happened to me that I am not strong enough for desire?

There was a time when you let me know what's really going on below.

I did an amazing thing this evening. I called my dear friend Jessica Jackson. This girl is truly amazing. She has this ability to say exactly what I need to hear. I've been feeling less than awesome for a couple of weeks now, off and on, generally very manic. It sucks, it's driving me crazy. I'm terribly frustrated. I feel like there's something I need to say, like I need to talk about things for as long as I have to, so that everything makes sense, and everything feels good again, but I don't know what I need to say, or how to put the words together to begin to say it. It is frustrating.

She sang me a song, and told me that she loves me, and things are good. It's the most sensible thing I've done in a long time. We used to talk for hours and hours on the internet, and if either of us had any issues, they wouldn't be issues by the time we said goodbye, and I miss that, and I cried when I hung up this evening, because just as everyone has always said, it's all imaginary.

I am packing up my computer, which hates me, to be shipped off and fixed hopefully. I don't know how long this will be, but I won't be online much, so, if you need me, e-mail or phone, and I'll somehow get it.

"My words unrelenting in their intention."

I've been inclined to speak in a series of tonal growls all weekend. I don't know what's up. Jess and I fell asleep in my bed last night, my parents came home, but I was completely out of it and only woke up at 1:30ish, it was odd, but awesome. I was greeted by my mother this morning with a silly grin on her face 'Sooo... What were you guys up too that was so quiet last night??" Oh man.

I will highlight the fact that over at Manufacturing, Jazz is the most excellent writer I've ever seen. Her words make me fall in love with her in different ways every week. You know those "If you could meet anyone, dead or alive" Questions, I always say her.

Today shall be odd,I plan on driving a lot, but we'll see.

My day started quite easily, and went along quite smoothly, in realation to the space ship, there may have been a bit of turbulance mid evening, but otherwise, smooth sailing, then suddenly a whole bunch of shitty stuff happened slash had built up and then I spent the next two hours sobbing. I just don't know anymore. Goodnight.

Cold Hands! Hot Bodies!

I have to blog right now, it's so cliche now, but whatever. It's wednesday night/thursday morning and I'm sitting in my bed, in my underwear, eating vinalla oreos and thinking about how awesome it is to dance at broken city. I adore being irresponsible. Also note, I'm not sure who is the worse influence, me or her, but I adore my girlfriend. [Not only because she gets me out of my house... shhhh! She's awesome!]

Elissa is home, and she was out with us tonight and I forgot how much I missed her at every concert I've been too since October, and how she has the greatest indie rock dancing style ever. Oh Elissa, we were never that close, but oh how I missed you!

I can hardly believe how far I've come since I last saw Elissa in July, August?

There is nothing else, except to say, I seem to be incapable of reaching out and commuincating as of late, so if you miss me, or want to talk to me, give me a call, or an e-mail and we'll go for coffee, if that's possible, or if not, I'll just chat. Whatever, chance are I miss you too.

Love.

Why Don't You Go Home and Blog About It?

What have I been doing while I have not been blogging? Good question. One that will be answered possibly in the future, but for now, you can ask Becky who is privlidged enough to receive up to the minute details as to my whereabouts via snail mail.

This evening I spent not surgically attached to my girlfriend. I went to Melissa's house for dinner, and [oh boy, let me insert here that work today was a freakin gong show, combined with a circus. The words crazy and violent combined. I never want to do that again, but I probably will.]it was delicious, and I laughed a lot, and Melissa is such a talented artist her pastels make me very very warm inside.

I had fun. Today was a fun day I think. I woke up with superly intense stomach pains that were completely dibilating, but I got over that, and I've ingested a large amount of pain killer and a small amount of alcohol and now I'm good.

Tomorrow is high efficiency day. Wish me luck.

Random Mix: Catching Up!

Purple Bottle - Animal Collective
The Moon - Cat Power
Beautiful Boyz - CocoRosie
Samson - Regina Spektor
It Wasn't Me - Jenny Lewis
One Big Holiday - My Morning Jacket
Hangover Days - Jason Collett

Eventually, I'll have some sort of daily update with whatever song I've fallen in love with that day.

As a side note. Myspace is actually pretty cool for listening to music. Ignoring the poor recording quality I will direct you here, here, and here... nevermind.

Dear World, Meet Jess!

Piu!Piu!
I got carried away with Photoshop this evening.
Imagine this as the background of my laptop, now, decide if that is creepy, or not.