I live in this reality now.

I keep intending to mention that I ran into Jessalyn again, a second time. This time we talked, her and I, and it was good, it was more than good, it was exceptional. I was alright with it. I felt strong and confident and prepared. I felt as if this is my home and my feet are rooted here and this is me, and I am happy. I am really really happy. I have found love here among new friends and I have found new air and new sidewalks to pound and new streets to amble down.

I didn't ask what happened, because in that moment I realized how little that matters anymore, how much better off I am since those days of blind attachment and unquestioning adoration. She couldn't tell me anyway, and even if she tried, she wouldn't say what I wanted to hear. I don't even know what I wanted to hear. We hugged and parted and I realized how much better off I am. I was the one strong enough to plan a future for myself and leave all of my past in a safe place.

I am proud of myself, and getting to this place of warm self security, for having standards that I refuse to bend and having family who wrap me up and hold me while I shake and shiver with emotion. I am grateful for my friends who follow me across the country and bear with the time difference as I bombard them with excitement in the wee hours of the morning. I am so in love with new discoveries, and the discoveries of new friends, and new excitement with fresh eyes.

This is my reality now, and I have never been prouder of my sense of self.