I am trying to improve though.

I went to my first funeral today. It rained today, I got really wet on the way home. I'll never wear a poppy the same way again. I want to be a terrific person, but I feel chained to something awful, and today, I feel like I am a ghost or a zombie or something without much soul or body to move about with. I don't know why.

Things are sad.

But things are also happy, and I am trying to get the sadness and the happiness to mingle amongst each other so I can get over the girl and go out again with another pretty girl some time, and I wish that I was not so lonely.

I still feel like I took to much of some drug and I'm still in a coma, ever since the hospital night. The only thing I've been able to find any sort of closure on was Nichola's death, via funeral.

I still do not believe that it's all over. The awful of the past month just feels like dream, a horrific dream. It's one of the dreams I used to have when I was a kid and I would wake up sobbing because the dream was just so sad and so broken.

Everything just feels broken and I don't think I've had much fun, or much sleep.

Music: I am listening to everything but I keep coming back to Iron & Wine and the CD Our Endless Numbered Days.