Uncertainty.

I was going to make a post about all the music I've been listening too, but instead, I'll make a mix tape track list with details as to why I adore these songs... mostly it's .05 seconds of a song where it sounds extra special. You'll have to wait a little while though, cause life is a circus, and I have not made a list in a while, so things are really not getting done.

On the up side however, I got my Dal info today, the official congrats letter. I've been really excited all day.

On the down side, I am feeling extremely antisocial lately, Saturday night mostly ruined being social for me. I like sitting around listening to people talk, so listening to good music, or just being quiet, and Saturday was about the old sweaty drunk gay men because way too close to me, and bad Mamma's and the Papa's remixes.

I don't know how I feel about the progression of anything and I hate to give up because I am feeling like being by myself, because I hate being by myself, but sometimes I just don't know what to say, and I just don't know who I am, and I'm afraid that I have spent so much time tying to be open minded that I don't actually have any opinions.

I am going to be proactive by taking a little break from the relationship thing, [we spent the entire weekend together, and it was fabulous, but I don't like trusting people and I don't like loving people. People are volatile. Even though she makes me grin, even while I'm being felt up by old gay men and she's singing along to Justin Timberlake, or because of this, I am not sure I want to let myself go around her. There is a big filter in my head that says "Don't get too personal" so I say things that don't really matter and I don't say the things that really matter. Point being, I need to talk to her, but I need a couple of days to make sure that I'm okay with progression. Also, I'm beginning to be slightly annoyed with her always expecting to pay for things, it's nice sometimes, but she's already driving me places, and I feel like there isn't a whole lot of supporting on my part, and I don't like that, as I am all kinds of independent.

About the school thing; I don't know. My father is very over enthusiastic about over thinking everything. I need to be left alone to do things by myself. I want to get everything in line for Dal by Friday, or at the very latest next Friday [because I have a wicked schedule this week, involving lots of early morning house work being done.]and I want to have everything sorted out and organized by then, so I can spend the next couple of months simply enjoying my last days in this mind set. It's a glorious mind set to have, I know that I'll never feel sense of non-responsibility again.

There will be another post about my actual activities of late.