Beautiful - Laurelle

Wow. I seem to have actually put every uncomfortable thing behind me and I'm just moving forward. It works well with me. The new plan, to get out and do stuff without worrying about the trivial aspects of it, guilt free, has definitely made my life better.

Last Sunday I dragged my mother to The Merchant of Venice. Good ol' Al was in it. He was fabulous. The rest of it had me thinking about it for a few days. Definitely worth the time.

On Tuesday my mom's friend Trea had some free tickets to Marion Bridge at ATP. It was so amazing. I was so happy to see it. It opened with the sounds of the ocean. I know what the ocean sounds like, on tapes and stuff. I had a baby's lullaby's tape of Pachbels Cannon when I was little and it had the ocean on it, sea gulls and waves and wind. I can't actually remember what it sounds like when I'm there. When I'm standing in the ocean I don't notice the sounds. Yet when I'm back in the flat prairies and I hear a seagull, or the wind, or a recording of the ocean I get all nostalgic and homesick. The whole play made me homesick. I loved it. For two hours I was there, in the Maritimes, and when it was over I wiped away tears as I stood and applauded. Not because it was sad, it was beautiful and emotional, but because it was over. The people on stage representing my family, were not going to continue the act. I don't really know what I'm getting at with this. My thoughts are getting harder to put a voice too. All I really know is that for a little bit I was back in the middle of it all and I wasn't so far away.

I went and saw it again today. I had too, I needed that feeling just once more. After this I'll have to be alright with the distance.

Last night I went to a benefit concert to raise money to go to Africa and help with the AIDS atrocity. It was far better than I expected. My mothers group, who were opening were embarrassingly bad. However, all of the other acts were much better than I expected. Most of the crowd was between 20 and 35 or so. I felt a little cooler that I was there, and pretended that I had nothing to do with my mothers group. The last girl performing last night was also a hula-hoop dancer. She was singing as well, it was quite fantastic. She was definitely in the same league as Feist and the like. I bought her CD, which unfortunately only has five songs, however, I've been listening to those five songs over and over again. Her name is Laurelle and she's from Red Deer. Go figure.

I have decided, well I decided this last night while I was watching my mother and her floundering group, that the crack down begins today. I know I've been saying this a lot lately. And I know that I haven't really held up my end of the bargain. However, from now on I'm doing everything the the very best of my ability. Who stays that I can only do one thing really well, and because I do many things I do them all not very well? I'm done thinking like that. I can be fantastic at anything I do and the only reason why I'm not currently fantastic is because I do everything with the lazy attitude that I find so comfortable.

The crack down starts now, as they say.