A girl from school called me this evening while I was eating chocolate french toast and watching Dead Like Me. It disturbed me greatly. The first thing she said was "I'm just calling to make sure you didn't jump off a cliff." I wanted to hang up immediately. Not only had I reluctantly given her my phone number after specifically telling her not to call because we never really answer the phone, but because she actually thinks I would jump off a cliff. She kept telling me that she is glad that I'm alive. It makes me want to scream and break a whole bunch of glass. I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS.

She went on to remind me that I needed to finish our science project and that we have a social thing on Monday.

I didn't make it into school today because the combination of PMS, family affairs and the overall fact that I wouldn't actually learn anything today. I called it my "I suck at everything day." I don't actually suck but it sounded like a good thing to call it.

I miss my fappy. I want to play music with him. He called to ask how to do the whole laundry mat thing. I guess my aunt doesn't do laundry, which wasn't really surprising. What was surprising is that she isn't capable of feeding herself and she has spent most of the time my father has been there sleeping.

I'm scared of the future. Of people. Of telephone confrontations. Of confrontations in general. Food. Doctors. Asthma, AIDS, depression, suicide. Airplanes, elevators, bridges, birds. Being alone, being in crowds, small spaces, space. Failure. Mine and others. Judgement, prejudice, socail suffocation.

There is a paper mache head of frankenstein sitting on the desk beside me. I still haven't made any attempt to talk to Vanessa and I don't know why. Actually, I know why, and you probably know why too.

I really want to clean this place up tomorrow. Hopefully I'll feel up to it. I didn't even make it to the shower today. I miss napping.