I wrote this during one of my two journalizm classes last wednesday. I've been waiting to post it while I decided how to sort out this latest mess.

Confessions of a Dazed Apprentice


I’ve been here for the lesser part of two school days now. I have Joni Mitchell lyrics running through my head, not because it’s what I am listening too, but rather because it seems ironically appropriate.

“…Don’t it always seem to go/That you don't know what you’ve got/‘Til it's gone…”

I’m realizing the good qualities that my former high school had, familiarity being the number one comfort right now. It would have been wonderful to meet up with old friends after a summer apart. It would have been nice to choose from several different teachers who teach one subject, or have a minimum of two different time slots to take that class in. It would have been easier to know what to expect, and how to fix things should a problem arise.

After the my second class on the second day here at Alternative I’ve realized two things, first, there are no
bells, and apparently no end to the classes, no dismissals, and everything seems to happen at it’s own pace. The second thing I’ve realized is that everyone seems to be hauling around these yellow sheets. What are those for? I have the distinct feeling that I should be doing something with it, but I’m not sure what.

During the mid morning break I can’t help but feel like I’m in a completely different culture. There’s no swarm of students pushing me in the direction that I’m supposed to move in. There only seems to be general milling about. And now while sitting in my journalism tutorial, which only has four kids, I’m still feeling as if I’ve made a terrible mistake. I kind of miss the dictatorship qualities of my former high school.

After tours, interviews, and extensive time spent researching I find myself entering my last year of high school, still wondering if I’ve really done the right thing. I’ve spent many hours looking for something that could get me out of the disorganization and dictatorship qualities of traditional schools. There’s a lot out there, a different school, an independent study program, home schooling, Chinook college. There seems to be a learning style offered for every type of student.

I chose Alternative, and after touring, participating in the interview, and finally I was admitted, I felt as if I had accomplished something. I figured I’d never look back. I’m looking back. I have a feeling in the pit of my stomach that I simply keep making the wrong choices and I keep falling further and further down the rabbit hole.