I keep having vivid dreams that I'm in Montreal looking for an appartment or a job or something to do and I'm going and being all busy and then I wake up, and then I just have to try to not cry because in less than an hour I have to leave for work and then I won't be able to stop until Monday, and I don't really think I'm having fun.

The trip over all did exactly what I wanted it too. It got me out of my comfortable little groove and I've now seen a completely alternative lifestyle for the rest of my life. I've seen that in places not everyone is angry, and not everyone is scared all the time, and not everything is like Calgary. It is very possible for me to go to Montreal and for me to find a job and learn to speak a different language and I won't be miserable or lonley or silent or hidden.

I am also going to stop surpressing the things I want to say and do and believe just because I think someone will like me better. I have been doing that for so long without even realizing it. So, things are changing drastically and I am once again emotionally stable and I have a vaigue plan.

Things don't seem quite so dire anymore.