Today, a teacher of mine told me that I was his sanity. That I should never leave, because then he wouldn't have a reason to come to work each day. He said I looked miserable. He said he bet I couldn't wait to go to the new school. I said yes. And I wanted to cry. Not because I have to leave, but because I am leaving primarily because of all of the other kids in the class, and how they are destroying perfectly good humans. They destroyed all of the camera's, then they moved on the to 1hr photo machine. Then it was the computers, the paper cutter, the light tables. Now they are destroying the teacher.

I wish that kids would see that their teachers are human. I don't think they understand that. I think they feel as if it's Charlie Brown and the teachers aren't really living breathing people.

It's incredibly frustrating.

But when he said "I bet you can't wait to leave this place." and I didn't even have to consider my response before I replied with "It won't be soon enough." I don't think I really mean that, I'm enjoying working on the Drama stuff, and now, there are a couple of teachers who smile at me in the hallway, even if the number of peers who smile at me dwindle by the hour. It's bearable.

...

On a side note. I went to the doctor's this morning. He gave me a headache and some new drugs. I'm very, very tired of it all. I hate him. I hate how he dismissed everything I say. I hate how he thinks that my mother is crazy. I hate how my mother is crazy. I mostly hate not knowing what the rest of my life will look like, regarding health. I am absolutely terrified that I will be 25, 30, 35, 40, and I'll still be sick like this. I'm scared that I won't ever feel like a normal person. I used to hate the word 'normal' because it's everything I'm not.

It's late, and today I wanted to be a puppet, so that someone else could hold my head up, and some one else could be responsible.