Things are kind of messy now. My father is an asshole, which isn't new. My family is falling apart, which also isn't new. My family has been falling apart for what feels like eternity. I feel guilty because it's been falling apart forever, but it hasn't fallen apart entirely yet. It's like a piece of fabric, all of the threads keep unraveling but there are still more and it's just frayed a bit.

Every time I'm alone in the car with dad he complains about how much my mother annoys him. EVERYTIME. Every friggin' conversation I ever have with my father is based on the fact that my mother annoys him.

It's not my job to listen to him.

When ever I start to stand up for my mother, which usually I try to do after I let him vent for a while, he turns it all on me. It's my fault that he has to do so much house work. It's my fault my mother annoys him. Great. See, I told you, he's an asshole.

Anyway, he yelled at me on the five minute drive home today. He says I shouldn't work so much out side of the house. (I shall remind you now, he was the one who told me to get a job.) He was just yelling and yelling that I don't do my part around the house, and I'm the one who creates the junk and the mess and everything he hates. I walked into the house silently. Down the hall to the bathroom, because it was closer than my room.

I was making my ritual "after work Iced tea" and my mother came into the kitchen and asked me what happened and I just started bawling right there in the middle of the kitchen.

Then she went and yelled at dad, and dad yelled at her, and it was basically the same as it is everynight, except this time I could hear them and I was the reason that they were yelling and it just made me cry more.

Now, they both seem genuinely concerned with my wellbeing, as I don't typically cry in the middle of the kitchen. Dad popped in and was acting all "cutesy" and sickenly apologetic. My mother is worried that I will end up slitting someone's throat, or my wrists if she goes away on Friday, and I just want to be left alone. I don't want to be part of this family unit anymore.