I am cleaning my room, I came home early from school to clean my room. Why? Because it's part of the problem, or I'm making it part of the problem because I can fix this part by coming home early.

As for the resounding "fffffffffffffffffffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuccccccccccccccccccckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk. fuck." on Saturday afternoon. I had a mental breakdown after my brother wouldn't stop berating me in the absesnce of parents. I finally had enough with the MANYMANYMANY years of almost constant verbal abuse, so I attacked him with my feet. I tried to kick him down the stairs because I was frantic and it was absolutely nessaceary that I make him shut up that instant. Alas, he did not go flying down the stairs like I wanted. Instead he now has a lovely bruise on his hip the size and shape of my foot. I haven't talked to him since, and he hasn't talked to me. So, for now, that part is fixed too.

As for any of you who have looked at my quizzically and asked "How are you? or "Are you alright?" and I've answered with some sort of diverstion. Well, things are messy. I think that's the best way to put it. My health problems are now much bigger than me. I don't have a grasp on them. I'm scared to be alone, ever, I don't sleep at night anymore, or very much.
So yeah... I'm not so good, but things will be okay eventually.

Or so I keep telling myself.