I'm a bit bummed. I've been trying so desperately to be living in the moment, but really, the moment isn't that great. I've been sleeping on the couch for the past two weeks, I think the bleary eyes and hair without a hope are signs enough of that trauma. It's been raining since graduation and I'm trying not to take it as an ominous sign from the heavens. Either way, it will probably continue to rain for all eternity. I hate commtech and I hate that I'm a person who just can't give up. I hate that I'm overly ambitious.
I think I'm working myself into a breakdown. Mae and Lester aren't helping. My brother isn't helping. My brother hates me. I want to be an oceanographer. I want to be in the ocean, not on the sopping wet praries. I want lobster rolls and a spare second to read.
I don't want to lose everyone I love/like/enjoy. Mostly I don't want to lose the less than hand full of people who have made my life amazing the past couple of years, and I know without any uncertainity that after maybe two weeks I'll never see them again.
I feel like I've just found everything and I'm losing it all. Most of the people I know have devolved into drunks. I'm dissillusioned. I was to teach english to kids who have nothing.
We won't mention the work situation. I feel like I've sold my soul to my employer, and she doesn't even want it anymore.
If you have any cheering up ideas let me know.
No comments:
Post a Comment